My roommate from college, Jackie, my guy, Chris, and I went out for sushi at a restaurant Chris and I have frequented several times in the last year.  When we lived in the hell that is Herald Square (hell=tourists, noisy street and fire station down the street), this restaurant was our treat.  After we moved, we found ourselves retuning a few times for the delicious tower of spicy tuna wrapped in fresh avocado.  And as always, I digress.  Last night we enjoyed a lovely meal with our fair share of cocktails.  After 90 minutes of enjoyment, the check came and I wanted to treat.  I looked at the bill, figured out what the bill was without the tax, and determine that a 20% tip would be twice the amount of the first two digits of this bill.  I filled in the tip amount and gave the receipt to the waiter.  We finished up our conversation and then began to gather out things to leave.  It was in that split second that I realized I had mistakenly only left the 10% in my haste and shared my error with the table.  We collectively gathered the remaining 10% in cash and laid it on the table.

As we stood to exit, a man who was not one of our three waiters came to our table and before I could ask him to give the cash to our waiters, he said to me “Your tip was less than 10%.”  I was flabbergasted, shocked and a bit embarrassed with his boldness.  First, it was not less than 10%.  You are not to tip on the tax, just the cost of of your meal and drinks.  So I tipped exactly 10%.  Second, if the waiter had approached the table and paused for a moment, he would have seen the additional money on the table.  Third, I am entitled to tip 10% if I thought the service was worthy of 10%.

I have never experienced anything like this in my life.  I was floored.  I need to consult my Emily Post Guide to Etiquette but I feel confident it is rude to point out to a table what one believes to be an inadequate tip.  A tip is based on service.  I waited tables all throughout college and always knew I had to work hard to get a tip.

Needless to say, we waon’t be going back. And I am a great tipper!

xo–me

It is pouring rain here today like it is in most of the northeast.  Buckets.  From heaven.  Which means that most are struggling with their umbrellas and their ability to maneuver around other humans with it.  Yesterday I witnessed behavior that brought me to my laptop to discuss this topic yet again.

The case of a clueless fashionista.

When the train is packed and I am standing in the doorway, I will exit the train to allow those getting off to exit with a bit more ease.  Yesterday, I did this exact thing and walked directly into two fashionista girls who were standing directly in front of the doorway.  Now not only was I struggling to step to the side, but the dozens of commuters who were trying to get out, were plowing through these two young women.  Disgusted that they were inconvenienced, they stepped quickly onto the train and stopped right inside the door.  There was a good amount of room throughout the car but they stopped directly in front of the doorway.  I, along with two others were trying to board.  As we stepped inside, these girls did not move so we three were faced with either pushing through them while saying excuse me or standing in a cramped space.  Before I could say excuse me and step through, the two beside me walking right between the two of them.  They again were shocked that anyone was around them. 

The blonde then looked at the brunette and started to go on and on about her own accessories and how fabulous the brunette looked that day.  Simultaneously, she leaned in with her dripping wet umbrella in hand and grabbed the pole that happened to be next to a dozing man.  Her umbrella flapped open and slapped him across his face.  Her wet umbrella.  On his face.  And she continued to chat away about their fashion.  He got up and moved to another area of the train and I simply watched her bad behavior.  Terrible.

Now I realize accidents can and will happen.  This could very well have been an accident if this person was stumbling or was rushing to catch the train.  Or she simply was falling and had to brace herself.  But unfortunately, none of these explanations apply to this situation.  Once again, I am realizing that as a society, we have lost the importance of manners and self awareness when in the company of others.

I hope today I am proved wrong.  Just one person do something kind and prove your awareness of others on this earth.  Please.

xo–me

Ahh, once again I digress …

So it is very warm just about everywhere today on the east coast and it got me thinking about perspiration and personal hygiene.  A few weeks ago my friend Ali and I were speaking about manners and we were thinking of all the ways one can showcase one’s manners.  The list included having fresh breath, not shaking hands when one has a cold, and my favorite–trying to remain fresh scented on warm, sweaty days.

Those days are tough when one is riding the train or bus.  One finds themselves in close proximity to many body parts.  Last night I had one such experience.  I boarded the train and found a corner where I was less impacted by those around me although the train was wall-to-wall humans.  At the next stop more persons pushed in and I found myself squarely planted under a very ripe armpit with no place to go.  The owner of said armpit was taller than I (doesn’t take much) and holding on the rail.  I was just tall enough to have my nose in the not so perfect position.  I tried to move my face to another direction but what was emitting from him was so strong those around me were covering their faces in disgust.

Now I recognize that he could have just completed a workout or he had to run to catch the train.  I do.  Truly.  But there are alternatives to being so ripe in a very tight public arena.  Towel off or shower after the workout.  If you are working out outside, try to cool off before you get into a tight place with others.  If you naturally tend to perspire and become fragrant, carry deodorant in your bag.  Baby wipes are your friend.  If your situation does not allow for these things, find a place on the train where you can hold on without lifting the offending area to air out for the entire car.

I hope you have gained some self awareness here today or many of the other days I write about manners and etiquette.  I think being aware of yourself is the first step to being aware of those around you and showing respect.  Respect for one’s self should parlez into respect for others.  Be good to one another.

xo–me

A guy walks into Frank’s Pizza (sounds like the set-up to a bad joke) and asks the guy behind the counter, “Were you working here last night?  Do you recognize me?”  Tricia (his wife) and I are waiting for the inevitable negative conclusion to this exchange, but we were pleasantly surprised to hear “I think you didn’t charge me enough.”

Apparently he ordered a large pie and got charged for a medium.  The worker naturally brushed it off as a case of “our mistake”, but the customer insisted.  After he paid the difference, he left without ordering anything.  So this guy made a special trip into Frank’s to settle up from the night before.

Now many of you will write to me and say things like “that would only happen in a small community” or “his wife made him do it” or “he had a guilty conscience about something else and was working on his karma”.  I do not believe any of these statements.  I believe that there are many good people out there walking this earth.  They love one another, have a good soul, are honest and yearn to do the right thing.  Next time someone does not charge you correctly (in your favor), speak up.  In this case, the register keeper was not faulted for the error but in many businesses, they are required to make up the difference.  And in this economy, no one needs that burden.

Be good to one another.

xo–me

P.S.  If you want the best pizza in the world, go to Waynesboro, PA and have Frank’s.

Both are centered around giving up seats on the train as I am sure you can surmise from the title.  They took place within 5 minutes of one another so I can’t help but think one learned from another.

The first situation involved me.  As I boarded the train, I stood next to the exit door as I usually do.  A gentleman near me noticed an empty seat and asked “Miss, would you like to sit down?” while gesturing towards the seat.  I politely said “No thank you” so he took the seat.  At the next stop, a woman entered the car and he promptly stood to offer her his seat.  She took it and he remained standing for the remainder of his journey.

The second moment took place between stops after a very petite but very pregnant woman stepped into the car and found no seats for her.  No one seemed to notice she was pregnant as you could not tell because she was so tiny.  Once the train moved, her dress shifted to reveal to the passengers her extra cargo.  IMmediately, a woman stood up, almost fell (she clearly was not a seasoned traveler as you observed her move throughout the car) and offered her seat to the pregnant woman.

Well done mankind.  Well done.

xo–me

My friend Ellie recently traveled to Italy with her toddler and husband on holiday.  Upon discovery of this trip, her client asked if Ellie would do her a favor.  Ellie, being a giving and loving person, said, “Of course!”  This client asked if Ellie could deliver a powdered nutritional mix to her family who was currently living in the same city Ellie was visiting.  This nutritional mix is not available in Europe and the family members were currently on a regime that required them to be constant in their intake.  Shipping it was very expensive and Ellie was going to save the family a lot of money by hand delivering it.  I was very proud of Ellie’s willingness to help a friend out as she was telling me this story.

Fast forward to Ellie returning to the states and sharing the details of her trip.  After listening to the good times and adventures, I asked about the powdered nutritional mix.  “Did you take it?  How was it going through customs?  Did you get a thank you gift or note?”  The answers astounded me.  The amount of product Ellie was asked to take required her to give up half of her suitcase space.  She was not stopped at customs but was very nervous because it looked like things one should not be taking through customs.  The family members asked Ellie to meet them and not the other way around.  Finally there was no gift, no note, no nothing.

People.  Please learn and teach the greatest lesson in etiquette–”Thank you”.  A thank you can come in many shapes and sizes.  A note for me is the most treasured because it shows a gift of one’s time.  It could also be a chocolate bar, a sweet bar of soap or some spices for the kitchen.  Send a $5 gift card to a local coffee shop.  My point here is to do something to thank those who do for you.

As for my friend Ellie, I know I appreciate her very much for all she does for me and I hope I am strong in my ways of showing and saying.  Be good to one another people.

xo–me

Last week upon exiting the train, I moved to the far right of the platform and walking along the wall as the others coming towards me also stayed to their right.  It was a beautiful thing until a woman decided to move to her far left and walk straight into me.  She was not paying attention and literally walked on me.  I smiled and stood there waiting for her to ‘travel to the right’ and get around me.  She did not.  She made a horrible face at me and said “Move!”  I politely said to her, “Wouldn’t it be easier for the 1000′s of us on this platform today if you would stay to the right?”  She made a face and said “No!” and walked away.

Sadly I did not convince her to ‘travel to the right’.  The question today is, can I convince you?  Next time you are in a sea of people, try to remain on the right.  If we each try, imagine how quickly we could move along?

xo–me

My brother recently had a serious surgery.  Like most surgeries, the doc sends you home with a list of things you cannot do.  For my brother, one such no-no was carrying anything over 20 lbs.  This includes his almost 3-yr-old son, groceries, and in our case last week, luggage.  He and my sister-in-law came to NY to see specialists and arrived via the train.  When I picked them up from the station, one of the first things he said to me was that he felt sure everyone was wondering why he was carrying nothing while his wife was pulling a suitcase with an overnight back slung over her shoulder (and toting the bigger than her head shoulder bag!).

My brother is quite the gentleman–opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and making sure others are taken care of before he.  I know this must pain him.  What pained me about this conversation we were having was how many times I would look at others and judge similar behavior.  I would see the woman struggling with all the packages while the man strolled along without helping.  In the airport, seemingly healthy people not offering to help their partners with the gathering of the luggage.  My brother looks the epitome of good health for a, cough, ahem, 40-yr-old.  But inside him is something we can’t allow to remain so he must follow the doctors orders.  To others, they may never even ponder that something is not quite right.  I stood there in Penn Station and felt great shame for the times I have judged.

Throughout my adult life, my brother has taught me many lessons.   Right now I am learning the obvious lessons–grace, courage, strength when faced with adversity–through his behavior as he takes on the greatest challenge of his life but the one I never realized I needed to be taught was about judgement.  Perhaps here today, I will teach you this lesson.  Next time you see someone with the balance of responsibilities lopsided, don’t judge.  You have no idea what may be going on in their world.

Be good to one another.

xo–me

I hope in 2011 I am a gracious, kind and loving person to friends, family and strangers.  I hope to show good manners and grace in tough situations.  I wish for you, all the best in your life and in your kitchen.  Be sure and show and tell those you love how you feel.  Throw a fabulous party, even if it’s a tea party with your child.  Be good to one another and remember, manners matter.

xo–me

I share this story today because on the train home I got to thinking about how nosey we are in one another’s business and how poor most person’s manners are.  This young man never once realized his behavior was abomadible.  I realize he may have never been taught or perhaps, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he was so engrossed in my words, forgot his manners.  Let’s think about our manners today.  Would you consider your behavoir and how it impacts those around you?

xo–me (and perhaps Emily Post)