Hey Amy!

I have experienced countless frustrating moments surrounding the lack of R.S.V.Ps to my events.  One year I entertained 50 people for an Independence Day party and over 20 guests finally sent their R.S.V.P. two days before the party!  Now all you fabulous hosts and hostesses know that I had already shopped for the food and this completely rude last minute response forced me back to the butcher, farmer’s market and the liquor store.  I know, I know, many of you are saying this is no big deal but it is when you throw the parties I do.  No help (the control freak in me prefers it that way), no bringing food,  and no running out of anything.  The menu that day consisted of BBQ chicken(marinated two days), hamburgers (not prepackaged but carefully prepared with my special mix of seasonings), hot dogs, vegetable bars, deviled eggs, chips and mango salsa (delicious and easy to make), baked beans, pasta salad, baked macaroni n’ cheese, corn & bean salad, watermelon, fire cracker cupcakes, fresh fruit & dip, homemade lemonade and my yummy sangria. Prepare that many recipes for 50, decorate the entire backyard, set up the pool & deck for guests, and wonder if over 20 people are coming.  Not fun.  Not well mannered. 

I feel certain by now you have figured out what we are talking about today.  The R.S.V.P.  Emily Post says it best:

Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P on it is obliged to reply as promptly as possible.  It is inexcusably rude to leave someone who has invited you to a party with no idea of how many people to expect.

Your reply should “match’ the invitation.  A formal, third-person invitation requires a third-person reply.  However, a good friend who wishes to explain her refusal or to express her delight in the invitation may always write a personal note is she prefers.  Those who groan at the thought of written replies should stop and think how much easier it is to follow the prescribed third-person form than to compose a lengthier letter!

When the R.S.V.P is followed by a telephone number, do your best to telephone your answer.  If you cannot get through to the host after several attempts, however, do not give up.  Rather than no reply at all he will appreciate a brief note or even a postcard saying “We’ll be there” or “So sorry, we can’t make it.”  If you both have e-mail accounts, even a short e-mail message with your reply is better than no reply at all.

If the invitation says “regrets only,” don’t send or call an acceptance unless you have something to discuss with the hostess.  If there is no R.S.V.P. at all, you are not obligated to reply, but it is never wrong to do so, and any hostess will appreciate your effort.

Sometimes an immediate “Yes” is impossible because of tentative conflicts.  If the gathering to which you have been invited is informal and you know the hostess well, you may feel free to phone and explain: “I’d love to be there, but I may have to go to Chicago.  Can I let you know in a day or two?”  If, however, it is a formal party and your delayed replay will disrupt the hostess’s well-laid plans, then you owe it to her to decline the invitation at the start: “I hate to miss the evening, but I may have to be in Chicago.  Thank you so much for including me in the invitations.”

There you have it.  Rules for responding to invitations that are not difficult, cumbersome nor outrageous.  And yes, I will share all the above recipes later in the season as we approach Independence Day.

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